April 2, The Ballad of Matt Gaetz (1)
[Parody of Tom Paxton’s “Ballad of Gary Hart.” Both Tom and John Denver have versions on YouTube to listen to melody.]
Who’s that checking out the high schools, searching on the internet?
There’s a swelling in his trousers; he has needs that must be met.
He is looking for young ladies to come out and play with him,
And because his daddy’s rich, he knows he can pay for them.
There are lots of teenage ladies, Spring Break in Miami-Dade.
If you’re rich and well-connected, then it’s easy to get laid.
There’s a guy named Joel Greenberg, who set up these kinds of dates
And it looks like his best client has been Congressman, Matt Gaetz.
Chorus:
For, he’s rich and in the politics game.
He’s rich and in the politics game.
Joel Greenberg told him, “Lookie,
I can get you lots of nookie,
When you’re rich and in the politics game.”
You remember Jeffrey Epstein? He was friends with Donald Trump
And he lined up ladies for the rich and powerful to hump.
But then Jeffrey got arrested and committed suicide
And now Greenberg’s taken over since poor Jeffrey Epstein died.
Specializing in young ladies that some rich men liked to rent.
When the girls were under eighteen, there were laws to circumvent.
DOJ’s investigating ladies Matt Gaetz paid to woo
Matt Gaetz will be really screwed if rumors turn out to be true.
Chorus:
It looks like Matt was playing sex games.
It looks like Matt was playing sex games.
Joel Greenberg told him, “Lookie,
I can get you lots of nookie,
But it’s risky when you’re playing sex games.”
Matt Gaetz is a right wing firebrand, just like Margie Taylor Greene.
But the two of them don’t hook up; she’s way over seventeen.
Matt Gaetz was a Trump supporter, even loyal when Trump lied.
Now could his career be over since we’ve seen his seamy side?
Matt Gaetz likes the teenage ladies, although he is thirty eight.
You would think that he’d have learned by now, they might be jail bait.
Now Matt Gaetz is in the Congress; he’s a rich, entitled man,
Whose behavior has been common ever since the world began.
Chorus:
For, he’s rich and in the politics game.
He’s rich and in the politics game.
Joel Greenberg told him, “Lookie,
I can get you lots of nookie,
When you’re rich and in the politics game.”
- Apologies to Tom Paxton, who wrote, “The Ballad of Gary Hart,”