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Pete Hegseth’s “High T” Military - Hegseth’s “High T” military (1)Ought to make our nation wary, (2)Hegseth desires lethality.No room for calm docility. No low T intellectuals,Non lethal, ineffectuals,No room for such ability.Now, here’s some more reality. Think of poor spermatozoa…Too much T means sad, “aloha.” (3)Such men may lose fertilityWhile they increase brutality. Excess T… Read More
Have a Sandwich with Jesus
- Man Climbs Massive L.A. Billboard to Personally Correct Jesus’s Theology October 18, 2026A billboard towering over Los Angeles carried a message some viewers considered theologically incorrect: a denial of Christ’s divinity. Rather than write a strongly worded letter, start a petition, or simply keep driving, one man decided the appropriate response was to climb the structure and paint over it himself, correcting the record to read “Jesus […]
- U.S. Commander Reportedly Informs Troops That Jesus Personally Anointed Trump to Go to War With Iran October 15, 2026Somewhere between the strategy briefings and the supply chain logistics, a U.S. military commander reportedly took a moment to inform troops that President Trump had been anointed by Jesus Christ himself to wage war on Iran. We assume this was delivered with the same tone of matter-of-fact authority usually reserved for weather updates and mess […]
- Virgin Mary Allegedly Spotted in Rwanda, Church Launches the Paperwork October 11, 2026A group of children in northern Rwanda say they witnessed an apparition of the Virgin Mary, and within days the sighting had drawn thousands of pilgrims to the area, all hoping for a glimpse of something that, by definition, only a handful of kids actually saw. The Catholic Church, ever cautious about these things, has […]
- Florida Man’s Big Chipotle Date Turns Out to Be a Police Sting, Shockingly October 8, 2026A 52-year-old man showed up to a Delray Beach Chipotle expecting a romantic rendezvous he’d arranged online. What he got instead was a set of handcuffs, a felony arrest, and the mild indignity of getting caught on a livestream watched by strangers on the internet, because in 2026 even your worst life decisions come with […]
- 76-Year-Old Florida Man Just Wanted to Drive Drunk on Rum and Cocaine, Is That So Much to Ask October 4, 2026There is a certain kind of honesty that only comes from a man who has clearly stopped caring what anyone thinks of him. A 76-year-old Florida man, already driving on a suspended license, allegedly told deputies exactly what he’d been doing before they pulled him over: drinking rum and snorting cocaine, in what we can […]