The Jewish Space Laser Committee          

 

Jewish bankers paid for a space laser.

And they had no need for a fund raiser.

And now that it’s here,

We all quake in fear

Nothing hides from the Jewish skygazer.

 

White supremacist bigots, race-baiters,

QAnoners, Proud Boys and Jew haters,

Are sharing by tweet

They all fear the heat

Of the Jewish Space Laser Cremator.

 

Chorus:  The Jewish Space Laser Committee

Says, “Better not piss off the Jews,

“From space, we can hit any city,

“As you have been warned by Fox News.”

 

“You’ve heard we can cause forest fires;

“The Golden State was set aflame.

“Conspiracy theorist liars,

“Should watch out whom they might inflame.”

 

Verse: QAnon has now claimed confirmation.

Jewish lasers fly over the nation.

We now have to face

A weapon from space

And the threat of worldwide immolation.

 

Chorus II: The Jewish Space Laser ignition

Is turned off on every Shabbat.

No Orthodox rabbis’ permission:

“Shoot Lasers?  Most certainly not!”

Reform rabbis were not so fervent.

On timing for using space tools.

But, shamed for not being observant,

They yielded to Orthodox rules. (1)

 

Chorus I, Coda: The Jewish Space Laser Committee

Says, “Better not piss off the Jews.

“From space we can hit any city,

“As you have been warned by Fox News.

“You’ve heard we set forests afire.

“The Golden State was set aflame.

“So, watch out with whom you conspire.

“Be careful whom your words defame.”

 

• There is little guidance from the Torah, Talmud, or Pirkei Avot on the use of lasers orbiting in space. As a satellite orbits the Earth, it crosses time zones very rapidly, so Shabbat begins and ends differently with every orbit.  Talmudic societies continue to meet and discuss this new problem.